The Lost Codger

Kutu oh kutu
Why suddenly got kutu
Makes me itchy want to garu-garu
Now must go get special shampoo

Kutu oh kutu
All over my carpet got kutu
Must be careful not to step on kutu
Can see them loncat-loncat like kangaroo

Kutu oh kutu
Everywhere also now got kutu
Got kutu when I step into my shoe
And got bitten when I go poopoo too

Kutu oh kutu
Used special spray already still got kutu
Can feel them moving between my bulu
What to do now, what to do?

My apartment is infested with fleas. How did I come to this conclusion?

Well several days ago, both my feet started displaying marks of insect bites. It wasn’t that bad initially and I assumed they were just regular insect bites. A few days went by and the bites got worse. My legs were itching badly as hell.

One day, while I was sitting on the sofa in just my briefs (hey I live alone, I’m entitled to my freedom), I felt something crawling on my left leg. Sure enough, it was a tiny insect. I wasn’t sure if it was a flea or some other insect, but my instinct told me to just give it a good whacking.

*PIAKKKKKKKKKKKKK*

Spot on. Even though my leg was feeling a bit of pain, it didn’t seem to matter at the time. What was important was that it was dead. I lifted my hand up to take a peek. It flew away.

“What the..???”, I thought to myself.

Yes they won’t succumb to my absolute manly prowess of hand-whacking. I have attempted this several times and they seem oblivious to any physical harm. Exactly how many of these wretched creatures I have galavanting in my apartment, I have no idea.

Once while I was scratching my legs to provide relief, I managed to get one of them stuck under my fingernail. Huge mother****** it was. I remember one Hari Raya morning a long long time ago when my mum screamed at the sight of lice crawling in my hair. That’s what you get for sleeping on the living room floor along with the odd 20 other cousins you hardly knew. My late grandma would carefully sieve through my hair with one of those specialist comb a.k.a. “sikat kutu” and squeesh them between her two fingernails.

“You’re dead”, I said to the creature that was still stuck under my fingernail, and proceeded to press hard against it.

It was my own fingernail that I was pressing hard against, so of course I felt pain, but nevertheless I pressed even harder. I had to be sure. It had to die! Die! Die! Die!!!

I could really feel it under my fingernail. It was hard. Probably a hard-shell version of some kind. Or probably it had gotten fat after feeding on me for a while.

A few seconds later I let go. It wasn’t moving. I presumed it was dead.

Like any other piece of dirt you find under your fingernail, you just pick it out.

So I did just that…

…and it flew away.

DAMMIT!!!!

So where did the fleas come from? I’m not sure but I have a heavy suspicion they came from my neighbour’s apartment downstairs. She has two cats and they look a bit sickly, but that’s probably due to their owner smoking pot every night.

Ten minutes ago, I bought a can of household flea spray from eBay. I hope that will do the trick.

I have also just learned that fleas don’t fly. They are wingless, but are Olympic jumpers.

Ack!