The Lost Codger

So for some bizzare reason I was wide awake at 7:00am this morning. As much as I would have loved to stay longer in bed, I just couldn’t, so I got up.

Like many other net-savvy yuppy (I’m sure), I went to check my email first before anything else, and that includes washing my face, or brushing my teeth for that matter. A brief glance at my inbox revealed a couple of emails from potential bidders on eBay, in relation to some items I put up for auction. How exciting. Those can wait.

In my pathetic attempt to get fit for summer, I decided to go out for a jog. I always preferred to jog in the evenings when it’s darker; lesser people to stare at my bulging err.. muscles. Hehe. However, seeing as it’s almost summer and still very bright even after 8:00pm, more people are loitering the park in the evenings now, wanting to make full use of the daylight. So I thought perhaps it would be empty first thing on a Sunday morning.

I put on my track bottoms and made my way. Sure enough, it was deserted. There was not a single person in sight. I guess who would be in their right minds be up this early on a Sunday morning right? Even some of the ducks were still asleep by the pond.

*puff* *puff* *puff*

Twenty seconds into my sad-excuse for jog and I was already gasping for air. My stomach was beginning to feel a bit.. err.. uneasy.

Let’s go back to what I mentioned earlier. Now I’m sure everybody has their own daily routine as soon as they got out of bed. Some might get down and do some crunches before taking their shower, some might skip shower altogether and get on with breakfast, some might even skip everything and put on their clothes to start the day. What I’m trying to say is that everybody has their own thing for getting up in the morning, and that includes when they err.. ‘do their business’.

Me, well I like to do mine in the morning. And that thought suddenly came rushing to my head as I was jogging down this narrow secluded path back in the park.

“Ugh..”, I thought to myself.

I could feel some greatly increasing pressure in my bowels, causing an increased amount of gasses that was trying to escape. I continued to jog a bit slower as I was feeling restless.

I took a quick 360-degree-turn to see if anyone was nearby, in a fashion similar to an olympic figure skater and thought to myself, “It’s now or never!” and let out a disgustingly loud and rather long trumpet fart.

*PHLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPPPPPP*

Ohhh the strong sense of relief and satisfaction after letting go of what has been held in was most… enlightening.

With a very wide grin on my face, I felt rather pleased with myself…

…that is until a lady jogger, from out of nowhere, overtook me, with one hand covering her nose.

Shit.